My mister!

 I am currently in the Korean drama phase. Seeing them is a good way of disconnect and also connect in some ways. From one to the other I reached the series called my mister. It was one of the most powerful relationships I have seen in a long time. A man and a woman, trying to be supportive of each other...non romantic but romantic...but more at human level. Like always i googled the cast and I see that the lead actor Lee Sun Kyun died last year Dec 2024 of suicide. Caught in a drug and adultery gossip and the man decided to call it off. Strangely the storyline of my mister was on same lines...and he tries to die but is saved by IU who plays the lead. I have not been able to get this of my mind for some days now. He is survived by two young children, he had movies and serials working for him. The culture of Korea and the constant pressure pushed him to take his life. What would have been his thoughts...and how horrible he was feeling to not do anything but just end it here. He briliantly acted in the series and I am going back to the series again and again. just in some way to say that things would be better...if only there was someway or someone who could have helped. a young life, taken by people like us who constantly track, judge and comment on others. how lonely wud he have felt in that moment in the car. and how much would he wanted help...

I hope and pray he is in a much better space. As an audience, he was briliant. as a person, he wud have felt that pressure of staying good which the world did not let him. hope his family has all the best things in life and can get over this moment of unhappiness. 

strangely my last post was for Jock. Who did something similiar. but he was in a different space all together with his mental health. may be he knew what he was doing...very different to what Lee did. He was forced into this by people...and no one should ever forget or be forgiven for that. 

Rest in peace Lee Sun Kyun. Hope life gives you better in your next life. 

zonfrillo

It is over two months now that zonfrillo passed away..i still go to his insta because I just don't feel that he is dead. Somehow it looks like a story that requires an end..i don't stalk celebrities..nor do I actively spend time getting updates..the only video i subscribed was his..don't know about the connect..his vulnerability may be attracted..or his good looks..i also wanted his beads...so there was a connect somehow...the death was a shocker..and seeing how much he loved his family..it just feels worse..still don't know what happened...but if he did take his life, it is sad..that food, family and his children still could hold him back. If it was natural it still is sad for a young family to lose someone. I hope he is in a better space..

A special day!

A day to remember. A message that came unexpectedly. But more like expectedly. A connect of over 15 years, a catch up after 6 years. A friend and much more in a small way.  One hour of random chats, chocolate a hug and a kiss. A man who makes the heart smile just a little more. The heart wanders :) 

when u don't mean what u say

Words have an impact and can create nuisance most times. Had one such instance today. Said something which I should not have.. But times are pushing.. Struggles have a weird way of testing you. Thinking for myself has not been my strong skill and I continue to fail on that front. And when just sometimes I say what I want, it is taken in the most wrong way and makes me feel so guilty of even saying or thinking about myself. 

I love ishu to the core. When he needs I am around but just sometimes I want to say no. To say no I need my space and time. If that is construed to mean that mini is not welcome to our space, technically I don't have a seperate space, she should not feel the pinch. Makes me realise I need my own space, things I can do myself and decide for myself. Pushing myself to buy my own house and make that move. God help me. 

the wait continues...

The world still is not a safe place to be in. Didn't realise the value of having a home, money to spend and being employed at an office that really will not force. The lockdown or the unlock for us has been the same. We still do not go out, order online and stay in. It's been months. We stepped out 17 March last to a shop.. Inside a shop.. Few days back we did a drive to kadimi and back.. With a mask, windows open and a fear that we get back safely. Very very sad times.. Times that make u wish how precious things and people are.. Days when u wake up with a fear and sleep with a wish.. Each day goes.. And there is no hope in sight.. Just the hope and prayers tbart this too shall pass. For now the end seems too far.. The beginning was dangerous.. We are hopefully midway through.. But each day.. Becomes a blessing.. To say a thank u to God, for keeping us ok.. For making us count our blessings. For hoping some power will end this like it began.. The wish.. The prayer.. The hope! 

lockdown does not end!

Not sure if I did get around talking about the worst phase of life that teh world has even seen. The corona virus has changed us in so many ways ans it still is no where going.. Stuck at home for last two months pluse since March 17 makes me think will things be normal anytime.. No hugs no meeting people.. No eating outside..Chained to four walls of the house.. Fighting mentally physically and in relationships too.. The virus has pushed us in ways that we never thought. The sad reality of have and have nots, the poor and rich.. The old and young.. Everyone scared.. Everyone scarred.. All hope and pray things get better.. The fear is palpable.. The hope still there.. But it's marred with knowing as a country we will not be able to manage the numbers when the worst comes.. We already failed the people on roads.. The ones who need daily ration.. I hope we don't fail us.. Time for our country and policy makers to think abt the bottom line and help them grow. Spend on medical and infra ka most needed.. Not temples not statues.. Nor on fancy stuff.. Let's get our basics right.. And hope things become normal.. For now  mask, sanitizer and prayers! 

RIP Rishi sir!

Days like these are random.. Depressing and hard to conquer.. Getting over the loss of a good soul like Irfan was tough.. But at least there was a glimmer of hope. That he is at peace.. The pain is gone.. Today brought another news.. Rishi kapoor going is surprising. Someone who had recovered.. Surrendered. The news depresses... Because it reminds the nature and it's power. And the uncertainty of everything. And the equality.. Of having money, power and the ones that don't have luxuries.. How nature equalizes.. How powerless we can become... 

Praying for peace, health and certainty!