when u don't mean what u say

Words have an impact and can create nuisance most times. Had one such instance today. Said something which I should not have.. But times are pushing.. Struggles have a weird way of testing you. Thinking for myself has not been my strong skill and I continue to fail on that front. And when just sometimes I say what I want, it is taken in the most wrong way and makes me feel so guilty of even saying or thinking about myself. 

I love ishu to the core. When he needs I am around but just sometimes I want to say no. To say no I need my space and time. If that is construed to mean that mini is not welcome to our space, technically I don't have a seperate space, she should not feel the pinch. Makes me realise I need my own space, things I can do myself and decide for myself. Pushing myself to buy my own house and make that move. God help me.