monday madness!

Yes i know it is not Monday today...but it will soon be...and therefore the dedication...! well...there is a presentation happening on monday and it is not funny...it is on smthg tht i know abt but not really know...and i need to search n research and comprehend and prepare...it is a mad feeling...the feelin which comes when u r preparin for a paper which u r sure u will fail...but then life is always giving u screwed up ideas of fun n risks n madness! and this surely is one...and in all this madness, the trivial 3 decided to talk...on trivial things like men...and 2 of us confirmed that they r worthless :( and i m sure some of them are...bt not all...but for now...the search is on...not abt men....but abt corporate partners!!!

so here i think and search and google!

will today be lucky!

I lost both my best yday...and i m not very happy abt it...no luck in the beginnin itself...tch tch tch! but...i know today shud be way better...and i will win...both i believe ! and atleast one surely :) :)
god shud help me with this one!

sneezin me!

i m sure it can be tough...to bein remembered so much...n that too on a day when there was nothin worthwhile to be remembered... the sneezin is not stoppin still...and i m sure there is someone...or may be it is a simple cold!

the day started late...well not sure when it started or yday ended...went to Ashima's weddin last night and seeing here realised...that i dont really want to get into this mindless ceremonial process...i agree that it is not my individual decision...but to get hoards of guests who only crib abt the food they ate/or could not ate is worthless...the plastic smiles...the weight of the dress...not to mention on the mind...

talked to M on way back...realised that post all the weddings, i have had talked to her...on somethin or the other...from heartbreaks to smiles...to color of the weddin lehenga to the concept of marriage...and each time, we have managed to smile :)

yday was not very great...but not bad as well...just very tirin...and full of memories...met Anna after ages...and yes, it reminded me of good old college days...when everything was black n white! :) n seein Anna n Nikhil, i believe that love truly conquers...and smtimes, god does change everything around u! touch wood :)

Sumit made me sit in his car at the front seat :) quite an offer since long time...but he is the same old sumit...and i like him that way...he has not changed much...and i liked him always...he is pretty uncomfortable...but in the same time comfortable too :) and i loved it :) he is way too sweet...and way too special !

waht more shud i say...had a strange dream...of travellling to a known land...in an unknown way though...with..P ofcourse....i think it was her city...or was it my city...were we travellin...were we fighting...were we exploring...i think i wil say yes to last one... that is the problem with dreams...u just dont knw what it is sayin...or may be it just says what u always want to say :) anyway...she was with me and i think it was god's way of tellin me smthg..which may b i already know!

sleep time!

holiday!

the mehendi did not come out well...and i just knew it...not sure why...but knew it :( so yes...it is still there on my hand...but not visible...may be like the day today...invisible in a way...sitting at home, lazing around...sleeping and eatin...the time just flowed...the hours clicked away...and the night came in early...

the day was empty..may be it shud be like this sm days...the mind inactive...the heart beatin...but not for a reason ! but tomm shud be fun...friends and old memories..tomm is another day..a smiling day...a full day i hope!

AMen ~

tiring day!

I am tired...very tired...mentally, physically...or emotionally...not sure! it has not been a tiring day...nor has it been a stressful day...or even a full day...it was one of those normal days...but may be the hangover of y'day's yoga made me tired out...or may be the hangover of past few days...not sure...may be i need to just relax...n sleep!!!
so...sleeping now...with my right hand full of mehendi....n if it doesnt come out all right...i will be very sad :(

of pains n no gains!

Today started very early...infact not sure when yday ended and today started...and in 5 minutes from now...today will end and tommorow will be today! so...i need to document whatever little is left of today!!!

Today is a no show day...nothin imp happened...no major headlines...except that i managed to reach parlor and get the painful threadin done...eeks...each time the thread tweaks before reaching the skin, the heart goes for a toss! i cant imagine how on earth fellow women let that thread go all over them...eeks rghhh... ooooohhhhhhhhhhhh!

that is it for now...sleepin time!

the storm has set in...

There has been a whole lot of things in last few days which were compellin...and pushing me to write...but alaS! the time did not permit me to record them as they happened...on hindsight...may be I am glad...since now those have become memories...and not all needs to be documented smtimes...
Days have been passing and its been normal...or is it abnormal! not sure again...there has been a sudden splurge of emotions...a sudden pouring of words...and then again a silence...may be the hearts are workin more than the minds...may be only there is a contrast as well...coz not everytime the heart is speaking the right thing...may be the mind still is playing games...

last few days have been strangely peaceful..yet full of conflicts...full of anger...full of thoughts...full of justifications...and explainations...yet...these days have been strangely unalarming...they still make me smile and wonder simulataneously...it reminds me that I am not always rights...nor is the other person wrong...it is just perspectives clashing...or may be it is just two people thinking!

Sunday was fun...the hangover of saturday was still on...the memories of a day well spent...a day with friends...a day with gifts! dad was not happy with my sudden decision of not asking...n just informing...there was this tension in the home and on everyone's faces...but then it is nothing usual...and I was just getting used to it when dad informed that we have to go out for a dinner...almost immediately we agreed...! no questions...no deliberations...may be each one of us were too tired to even debate...or just plain bored! Dinner was fun at Moti Mahal...and surprisingly I drank...not soft drinks or fresh lime but "bloody mary"...tasted weird...but not alien :) not sure why I did it...or may be i know! it was a good evening...loads of food...loads of smiles...loads of plans! for the next one :)

The week is almost reached to its culmination again...another week...another thought...another plan...may be!

Calmin smiling whitey saturday!

Well....it was an expectedly good day today...and thank god for that! :) it was an unplanned day...and may be this is god's way of saying that don't do things that i can do better...just enjoy ur stint on earth and don't bother with too much planning...just be good to urself and others and u wud be happy!

With a late start, M was anyway delighted...and I was bugged...since I hate starting on a late note...but a last minute tiff and shirt change got me late...and ooh lalala...did not imagine that P wud end up wearing white too! well...unexpectedly...or may be expectedly...we were in agreement...or in the same frame of mind...may be the same color combination was a signal...may be! :P

I think we realised that today is a good day...and we were strivin to keep it that way...not exactly sure on how we were to do it...but I m glad we managed it...day ended with smiles, moments of happiness n friendship...some memories of past...some of present...and very high hopes of future! For me...it was imp to bring smiles to someone's face...and even if the smiles came back for a day...it was worth it! She smiled...and for a moment it looked like things wud be fine again...Life has not been hunky dory lately...and one can only hope it does become alright...for all of us!

Not to forget that we managed to watch an unforgettable film about future...what an irony though...seeing that i realised...one can't control one's present and to think one is worried about his/her future! life is such... !!! I just wished to hold her and shake her out of the past that she is in...~

V came in too...with my dear Pehel :) she constantly reminds me that plannin always does not work out...n smtimes it is smone up there who is decidin for all of us...she smiles...she coohed...she ran...she beamed! and the worries just vanished...the time stood still...and smiles just found a way back...her innocence reminded us that may be life is not that bad...well..it isnt!
Just a last mention that...I got three gifts...and each of them made me feel absolutely great...n touched! may be it was again god's way of telling me...hey you...you need some pampering urself!

Not to mention that M also wore white! uncanny...or striking!

so what's special about today!

so I am sitting at home today...doin nothing! It was an early morning...and now I am all sleepy...but cannot sleep since everyone else is sleepin or not at home...so decided to check on random mails and sites...and then write!

What am I writing today...well...i promised P that I will write about her...since she always keeps telling me that I am hopeless with promises...and seldom keep them...i decided to uphold this one!!! And frankly it is not that tough to write about her...since we anyway end up havng a disagreement on virtually anything we do/say/think/dream!

So...yes she wants to know what I know about her...or have managed to decipher about her...now that i think about it, i realise that i hardly know her :) or do i? she has been someone who has brought a lot of smiles in my life...some tears...beautiful moments...moments of despair...and total hopelessness...we are contrasts...and may be that is why we somehow attract! coming from a small town(!) she refuses to imbibe the smells of the hustle and bustle of the crowd...and I refuse to squeeze myself in her perfect-kodak-small-city-life! May be it is her closed-to-heart-beautiful memories that are etched so deeply...and do not allow for any new memories to stake claim...or may be she is a denial mode...since this is her only connection to the past...her new changed self needs that one reference point to go back to...to remind her of what she was...once! but then again...these are my assumptions P! Feel free to disagree like always!

The one discussion we will always end up having is her priorities and how one should look at it...frankly it is your priorities and no one but you have a right to comment on it...but...smwhere i feel the need to question/analyze or reason out everything is not needed..is it? life anyway is not giving us all ans and to top it with more questions sounds unreasonable and uncalled for...she like me has made her life complex...and wants me to change :) not realising that she needs some overhaulin too!

May be times will change her again...and may be it will change my perception as well...for now i m sure that she is still not a revelation to me...but then i hardly care...since she is a dear friend...and with friends...u dont have to know it all! but yes...P ...let me tell you...when you have ur kid/s...I am going to ensure that they do not reason out life! they smile more often and work harder :P

that's it for now...rushing out...to sleep what else :)

the day after!

It has been a calm day so far...and may be it is going to remain like this for some time...may be the last few days have drained us completely...if there is smthg that is still keeping us going...it is the friendship...the camaraderie...the madness...the love...the responsibility...a lot of emotions...a lot of relationships...a lot to give...a lot to take...

Tuesday was one such day...with 31 March looming on us...it was not expected that we leave the office for a min...infact leaving the desk for a min looked tough...but...not everything is planned...and certainly not everything works acc to plans...with moods swinging from sadness to apprehensions...to undecisiveness to anxiousness...to stress to tensions...each one of us was going thru something or the other...and a lunch out was not looking inviting...infact i had said no to the invite as well...but then my denials are usually not taken by anyone!!! So here we were...amidst the madness...spending a leaisurely 2 hours on a fasting/feasting lunch!!!
If I thought that was too much to handle...a visit to Hanuman Mandir was added to the list...but the crowning moments were....when M decided to buy us each a chunni...those bright red ones...the ones which are usually offered to gods and goddesses! OUr collective requests failed...and truly we did not object from the heart...we decided to flow in the madness and agreed....even got photographed...stares, comments and smiles! it was one of those kodak moments when everything else did not matter...it was her smile that was imp...and yes she was smilin!
Realised each of us are mad in a way...may be I am too by the book in the level of madness as well...but then there r moments when you just want to free urself from the clutches of the world...and do what your heart desires...

May be some days need a push...from inside...and a degree of madness! but only some days...