friends!

one needs to thank god for small mercies in life...friends! they make you...they seldom break you...they keep you happy..they make you cry...they love you...they correct you...they listen...they care...and they call when you need them the most...friends can be what family is not at times...friends make us smile...hold you...crib with you...and love you again...family is expected to do all this...but the friends do it and you know they will do it for you...how and when...one does not know....but we always hope that we have friends around...and i m thankful to god each day..touchwood for friends...and the love they bring...!

do they stay on? yes...some of them do!

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a teary morning...thoughts which compel you to ask why god is unfair at times? and why does he listen only to some? slept with a feeling of loss...and woke up in a similiar manner...may be there is some way god is telling me..to not bother...and just move on...but...can one do that...is feelings so temperory? i don't think so...nor do i believe that you can move on that easily...have tried...failed...won...don't know again...
i feel one should always aim to b positive...and work in a way that will bring more positivity in life...that is what evryone around tells me...but to remain happy and smilin and positive is getting increasingly taxing...and it pains to see someone in pain...wonder why this simple logic is difficult to comprehend? why does people not relate to feelings like some do? why does holding hand and giving a hug to someone in distress is not understood...and why does feelings not let go?

questions...but no ans!

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woke up with a bad news...and haven't been able to think on how it happened and why...may be sometimes there is no logic...and death does not have logic...it is just a way that god shows his presence...tells us that you can keep planning...you can smile and cry...and you can hope and pray...but i decide...and i decided that time for someone was up...so what if there is a 10 day old baby waiting to see her dad...or the 10 year old who is trying to make his mom proud...or if the home is being decorated to celebrate a arrival of an angel...life is so uncertain...that you just don't want to plan...coz the plans may or may not execute...and for everything the final decision is in someone else's hand...

i only can pray...hope or belief sound meaningless...and to say...all would be ok...ofcourse one needs to believe everything would be ok...but when...how and in what form...what can be ok when someone goes away...? want to be with P...to share her sorrow and give her solace...but cannot...no one is holding me to not go...but i dont want to go...coz i cannot see the tears...yet again...and what should i say now...dont worry...it happens...life moves on...and you would be ok soon...and her eyes will say the same old thng...why me...why my loved ones...and why does god try to show his presence to only some...no answers...and a lot of questions...dont want to ans...dont have ans...need to hold her tight and let her shed her sorrow...and i hope...and i believe she would think of me being around...along with her...holding her to b ok..or just be...physical presence is required and i cant wait to be with her...not everyone understands on how one reacts...and i know her now...and know her reactions...her walls are building again...and it would be unfair to knock it down and leave her...again...and i am too coward to do that...so...i will just pray...and keep her in my prayers...hoping she would be as strong as i know she is...

amen!

nothing is same anymore...

it is not the best of feeling...loss always hurts...but sometimes you are not sure on what exactly have you lost or gained...but somewhere you know that nothin will be same anymore...have felt a lost of connection...with my loved ones...with people who i thought loved me...the way i am...and loved me for what i am for them...but may be love is not that easy...and it brings more pains as well...and lots n lots of tears...seldom have i shed these many tears in the last few days...and am i glad...! Yes i am...coz they are my only companion for past few days...and may be they will also leave me soon...and then i would not know what else i can bank on!

life brings happiness and joy...and it brings some smiles...and unexpected love...unexpected moments...moments which define you...and your existence...moments which you never desired...moments which didn't last long...and i hope this wnt last long!

loss....

there is a feeling of loss...not sure on the quality and quantity though...loss of friendship...loss of trust...loss of sense...loss of emotions...or may be loss of inner self...cannot explain and may be that is another loss...loss of words!

i hope the loss is recovered in some form or other...may be the trip will give me a new reason to smile...and may be...infact it would make someone believe in the true power of being the chosen one...and this i hope is not lost!

amen!