woke up with a bad news...and haven't been able to think on how it happened and why...may be sometimes there is no logic...and death does not have logic...it is just a way that god shows his presence...tells us that you can keep planning...you can smile and cry...and you can hope and pray...but i decide...and i decided that time for someone was up...so what if there is a 10 day old baby waiting to see her dad...or the 10 year old who is trying to make his mom proud...or if the home is being decorated to celebrate a arrival of an angel...life is so uncertain...that you just don't want to plan...coz the plans may or may not execute...and for everything the final decision is in someone else's hand...
i only can pray...hope or belief sound meaningless...and to say...all would be ok...ofcourse one needs to believe everything would be ok...but when...how and in what form...what can be ok when someone goes away...? want to be with P...to share her sorrow and give her solace...but cannot...no one is holding me to not go...but i dont want to go...coz i cannot see the tears...yet again...and what should i say now...dont worry...it happens...life moves on...and you would be ok soon...and her eyes will say the same old thng...why me...why my loved ones...and why does god try to show his presence to only some...no answers...and a lot of questions...dont want to ans...dont have ans...need to hold her tight and let her shed her sorrow...and i hope...and i believe she would think of me being around...along with her...holding her to b ok..or just be...physical presence is required and i cant wait to be with her...not everyone understands on how one reacts...and i know her now...and know her reactions...her walls are building again...and it would be unfair to knock it down and leave her...again...and i am too coward to do that...so...i will just pray...and keep her in my prayers...hoping she would be as strong as i know she is...
amen!
