I dont know why i did what i did...trying to help one loved one led to a conflict of interest with another one...and also made me feel very guilty...it is not difficult to sway in favor of your special ones but it shud not come at a cost of ethics...and that is where i think i did wrong...i shud not have tried helping M at the cost of spoiling my consious...and i feel guilty...she did not force me into it...nor was their any compulsion...but i still took a decision to do it...i guess while i was doing it i did not realise that it would not end up right...may b that is why it is said the means are as imp as the end! anyway...it was wrong and sooner or later i shud owe up...for myself rather than smthg else...
Spoke to V after ages i think...infact i usually talk to her every alternate day...but may i m not spedning the amount of time and energy that i was...will not blame anyone for this...again a decision- if it was...taken by me and i m only responsible...but i think with V...pehel is the bond...and i refuse to believe that it can be hampered....i pray it wonT! :)
Today is Abhi's bday...and he turns 4+ i think...spoke such cute english that i was bowled over...truly remarkable to see children taking control of an alien lang so easily...i remember him on his first bday...tightly tucked in vidya's lap...she running from one end to other meeting with guests...taking gifts...serving dinner...she is fab :) and will always be...regret the time i fought with her...not realising she wud be gone...and it will be such a long time when i will see her...i miss her.........
so yes today is my day to say sorry...internally..and feel what i did was right or wrng...and yes i believe....i was wrong...to make a loved one smile at any cost...shud not be my aim...from next time...!
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